Whril Wind

Wow, so, it's March 29th. That's crazy to me. Schools is almost outta here. :)

Anyways, so the Fashion Show was Friday night. It went amazingly well. I was pretty shocked to be totally honest. Everything went extremely smoothly and it was a whole lot of fun! I'm also pretty sure that the bake sale that the seniors held was a success! Everything was great. I was able to get my mind readjusted and have fun with a couple close friends. I honestly have a great group of friends. I feel like, no matter how far we are from each other, we are all going to remain close. That's one thing that I love.

On another note, I think that I'm about 80% sure of my destination next year. It's not final, but hey, that's a pretty darn solid 80% ! So, I'm heading in the right direction? I sure hope so. :-\

Saturday was a good day, for the most part. When it comes down to it, things were put out in the open. I'm not going into detail due to the fact that I'll cry about it. I saw how human connection really works out. It's odd how two people can think the same way. Many times, we're just to scared to say it. I'm just glad that I don't hold back. The power of human connection, really amazes me. It also made me realize a lot of things, that I might not have realized before. It's sad what I realized, but I guess it's something that needed to be seen. I don't want to think to much about it. I'll just get sad, letting it marinate in my mind. Beside, it's not like I haven't been thinking about it all day. Well it's something I just have to deal with. Life takes hard turns.

I woke up extremely early today for work, 430. It was still dark outside. SMH, stupid Brook Stone. After that, I spent the day with my parents brother and nephew. It's crazy he is going to be 1 and i remember when he was BORN! He is getting so big, Sigh*. I hope he doesn't grow up to fast.

Well, I think that's all for tonight, I feel this cough medicine kicking in. Goodnight.

Wind Down

This has been a terribly hard week for me due to certain things that have occurred. I won't name/describe these things. I feel like my blogs have been on the more sadder side of life.

So tomorrow is the long awaited, and prepared for, Fashion Show at school. I am excited to see how everything has unfolded and what not. I just want to have fun and enjoy the show.

In other lights, school is slowing winding down, as I become much more of a slacker than I thought I would become. Its not all that terrible, but at the same time, I should SERIOUSLY be taking school with a more straight forward attitude.

I have come to realize many things recently. People really don't change, and if they do, well, a higher power was on their side! The sad thing is that the miserable people in the world bring the good out of others. It's sad. Another thing that I really have pity on is the ignorance in people. How some people seriously lack a filter in their mind to process the good things to say from the bad things.

Also how some people in the world are just, blatantly, ignorant and stupid. Ignorance is the world's lamest excuse for stupidity. This is mainly directed to the homophobes out there. Homosexuals DON'T have a disease. They don't lack what heterosexuals have in anyway shape or form. They are not inferior to any person in this world. For ANYONE to believe that homosexuals are less than heterosexuals, that person SERIOUSLY needs a wake up call. So for all those who do discriminated against the homosexual community, and any other culture or religion for that matter, go read a book. Gain some real intellect and grow up. The world does NOT revolve around you and it never will. Stop discriminating against others and belittling other. Nothing you say will make you a better person. So please, do us all a favor. Go wallow in your own pathetic excuse of a life, melt in your own stupidity, and leave everyone else in the world alone!

On that note, I shall be off to bed. Goodnight.

Tight Spot

I feel like things are changing to quickly all at once. I have no clue on how to process things anymore. I feel like i am getting way to impulsive with things that I feel. I need that change, not everything else.

Anyways, I feel like there is extreme yin and yang in my life. There have been a few great things that have happened over the past week or so, and then comes the terrible. One can NEVER have good with out the bad. I don't think that I have ever experienced a good week without the following week being totally and utterly messed up. Like on Sunday morning, waking up and knowing "damn, this is going to be one hell of a week". Sort of how I feel right now.

I got to figure out what the heck I am going to do with the rest of my life. The one benefit is that I am going to start driving soon. Adam was right, it is relaxing. Mind clearing just driving. I feel like I am in control of something in my life when I am behind the wheel.

Oh well, to bad I can't drive legally for a while. Whatever.

Last note: I feel like certain people are slipping out sight. I don't know how to handle it right now. I guess I should just wait it out.

Alright, Good-Night.

"Imagine There's no Heaven"

"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?"
-John Lennon

John Lennon was a mastermind with a pen and paper. His music is amazing, and I always find comfort in listening to it. The soft melodies with his smooth voice. It's great.

Anyways, I am feeling a little bit better from the last time I've updated. I have found that things always happen for a set reason. Life has strange ways of working it's magic. Things always happen for a reason.

I am very tired, I think that I will go to sleep :)

Unspeakable truths

It's inevitable that people will eventually go their separate ways, but I can't seem to understand why people drift away. I am very pensive right now, as to why certain things go as they do. It irks me and fogs my mind. Yes, I am the type of person who hates not knowing what is coming. I hate the reality of the future being unmarked and unclear. I don't believe in fortune tellers or anything like that, but I hate not knowing the future, going into something blindly.


Recently, the possibility of knowing that I might lose someone that I love, like friends, kills me. It's that slow, piercing pain straight through my chest and splitting through my back. I have but so many good people in my life. Losing those few would be a blow to me. Right now, I want to scream on the top of my lungs right outside this house. I want to fly to some foreign land where I know no one. Sometimes life is easier being alone. The Unbearable Lightness of Being.


I'll probably write later, something more uplifting? I surly hope so. Until then.
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I'm about an inch away from giving up on a lot of things. To bad there are certain people in my life preventing me from doing so.

Today turned out to be freaking terrible for some news I found out. Shook my world and tore it apart. In a matter of 30 second and 7 words, everything just fell apart. I fell apart. I'm still not all here. Physically I am here, and what not. Mentally, I am wondering in some distant place. Hm, maybe i am becoming some what numb to the world. Maybe I like it in some twisted way. This way I feel no pain or emotion. But then again my day wasn't all that terrible.

I just so happen to be with the one person that sees through my fake smiles and laughs and gets down to the essence of me. That's what I love about him the most. Even when I am at the worst of my worst, he makes me smile, a real smile. He was the best part of my day.

As soon as my day gets better, the WWW takes my happiness and shoves it down the toilet. I'm forever burdened with her words and thoughts about me.

What do I say now? Fuck it.

Sensibly Infinite

I have realized that nothing in life is fair, at all. Nothing will ever go perfectly for a long period of time. I may be looking at the glass half empty, but these are the things that I sit down and think about. Just, as things seem to be going my way, I get smacked in the face with the reality of the people I live with.

Anyways, I was sitting in gym the other day, and I was just remembering my very first gym classes at RFK. Well, what I remember to be one of the first classes I had. We were playing kick ball, and me, like every other freshman, didn't really participate in fear of embarrassment. It was the funniest thing to because now, I am all over the place. I still can't believe that it's all done in three months. Sigh*

I feel the happiest in two places. Well, three places. :
1. With my friends :)
2. With my boyfriend.(preferably in his arms. I love that!)
3. On the soccer field.

Obviously the first 2 are kind of self explanatory. My real friends, the very few that I have, are absolutely amazing. It can't get any better than those people. Yes we fight, yes we go at it, a lot now that I think about it, but the love is still there. It's great. My boyfriend is possible one of the greatest people that I have ever come across in my entire life. I can honestly say that he balances me. Me being the crazy, always worried, strung out lunatic. Him being the calmer, level headed, intelligent person. He is the yin to my yang :)

Now, speaking more about the whole infinite feeling of being on the soccer field. It's the feeling of being in control of something. The feeling of manipulating the ball to your liking. It's amazing. It's also a stress reliever. Today I was standing in the goal. One of my friends was getting ready to shoot. It's really corny to say, but it's like in the movies when everything slows down, my vision was tunneled to see the ball and only the ball. She kicked it, and I caught it. The simplest thing made me feel great. I love soccer, hurt knee or not, I dint think that I can keep away.

Well, on the same note of soccer, I am tired as hell! I am off, until next time.

"And so the castles made of sand fall into the sea eventually."

"And so the castles made of sand fall into the sea eventually."
-Jimi Hendrix

This has quickly become one of my most loved quotes. The truth behind it is amazing. Basically it states that everything in life, thing that are magnificant and extremly diffucult to build, all eventually fall. But you see, when the sand castles get swept away by the sea, the castles only crumble. The sand never gets destroyed. Like the sand in the sand castle, remnants of old magnificat things always remain. Those small, yet highly important things stay with you for the rest of your life.

I just felt like touching up on that. I feel that it's extremly relevent to the sitution at hand. Some relationships that I have had are like sand castles now that I think about them more. To an extent, I know that the person I am befriending isn't the greatest person in the world. It was thought that lingered in my mind since I became friends with this person. There are days where I realize that it might have been a mistake befriending this person. A very big mistake. However, I don't regret this person, at all. As a friend, the person taught me valuable lessons on how to lead my life, in those ways I am eternally thankful, and in other ways, go fuck yourself, to put it bluntly. None the less, I will ALWAYS care for that person, no matter what both of us will go through. That the beauty of following your heart, times get hard and fight burst out, but the bottom line is, that person has made an impact, and the sand of their remnant shall always remain.

On a much lighter note, this weekend proved to be, so far, a good one. Dispite family issues at hand, one thing that i am use to indefinatly, I have a fairly good friday and saturday. It was my boyfriend's birthday celebration. Friday I saw Watchmen. I thought that it was great. It was long, and I mean "butt gets numb, omg!" long, but none the less it was great. There is so much more behind the story than just crime fighting superheros. I definatly recomend it. After the movies, myself my boyfriend and a couple other people went out to dinner. It was a good time.

Today I decided to steal Emanuel for a couple hours :) . I suprised him and took him to the Empire State Building. I was cold as hell, and extremly windy (terrible for me, who was in a flowing skirt!). It was amazing reguardless of the cold and wind. Being in the mist of a gorgeous site with someone that means so much to me was an amazing feeling. He is amazing and I am thankful to have him in my life. We then ate dinner, but I like the dessert the best! Ice Cream and a cookie ! yumm!

Well, on that note, I shall be off.

So, its been a while ...

So its been a while since I wrote. Semi overwhelmed with things to do. Lets have an update, shall we?

I have slacked off in school SO badly. No, i'm not failing, although I should be getting better grades. I need to stop being so lazy ! lol.

People SUCK. Simple as that.

Last but not least: I WANT TO LEAVE HIGH SCHOOL ALREADY !

Yeah, that's pretty much everything that has been going on right now. I just want to finish getting the rest of my letters to see where I want to go. Ugh, I'm so torn :(.
Only one thing, well, one person, really impacts my decision. I honestly don't care where i go at this point. School is school, and I am going to go to a different school once Grad school comes. When something goood comes into my life, HARD decisions come my way. It sucks :(

So yeah, I am kind of sad and at the same time I am freaking pumped !

Maybe I'll update later.
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I just realized that I have 3 AMAZING people in my life.

Emanuel, Casie, and Ronald. I swear, with out these three people, I would go insane !

I love all three of you!

:)

Boring Class Kills ...

Blah, talk about a boring class. Web Design had ultimatly lead to be the most USELESS class ever. Okay, so I take it back, not useless to those who would like to lead a life that requires this type of skill. As for me, yeah, I have 0 use for this class. It's tedeous and pointless. Boring.

I thought that this blog thing would be some tedious thing to check up on everyday just like myspace and facebook. So far, it has proven to be a lot more useful, just like right now! :)

Now my teacher is rambling on about college ! He keeps telling us how the profesors won't give a crap about us and what not. This is ridiculous in my eyes. STOP SCARING US! Even if it is true. :(

It's funny to me becuase they told us the same thing when we were in 8th grade and what not. They're not going to care, Blah Blah Blah. It has been proven that, yes in high school they do care! Now, should I beleve that in college they won't care? Maybe this time I should really listen to them. Hmm, I don't know to much right now. All that I know is that I am scared and nervous to enter college. Nervous about doing well, and scared that I am leaving my loved ones.

I'll update later, I'm starting to look obvious.

AHH ! Product of Global Warming and Technology !

Today we experienced the wrath of angry mother nature for polluting her air with our abuse of CO2. It snowed so much, Bloomberg actually shut down the NYC Public Schools ! WHAT !? Yes, he did so. For the first time in 5 years public schools were closed due to the immense amount of snow that fell from the sky that watches over us. So, for all of those skeptics about the issue of global warming, HA ! I laugh in your face ! Good luck shoveling out of your house and I hope you run out of salt. :)

On a lighter note, it's March ! Yay ! Not really though. I am really realizing that school is coming to a close and graduation is coming closer and closer ! It's crazy, I honeslty feel like i began the year yesterday. Now I am getting ready for college and all the other great amenities of life. How crazy is that?

This morning, before work, (yes work! I worked on a freaking snow day...bite me, I need my money) I was watching the Trya show. It was one of those "Teens reveal how they really act" shows. I was AMAZED at what some of these teens actually did/do. It scares me more than anything though. These 11-16 year old girls sneaking out and meeting boys, having provocative photos on Myspace and snorting pills! This one girl started smoking pot at the age of 11! I was home watching TV and doing homework when I was 11! Now, beileve me, I am not a person to judge, I don't know why they would do this but to see the age of innocent diminish right before our eyes is a frightening site! I wish i could go back to the carless day where my parents did everything for me! It's sad that kids lose sight of their golden childhood, and want to grow up so fast. Being old isn't fun, and I'm not even that old !

Well, those were my thoughts for the day. Have fun. :)

This is how it begins.

I honestly don't really know why I started this whole blog thing. Possibly to vent on those terribly bad days, or maybe to write my endless ramblings. I haven't blogged in years. The last blogs that I posted were more about nonsense things. This time, I hope it would be more meaningful. Maybe this time things will be different. So for those who shall continue on and read my blogs, have fun.