i am beyond heart broken
i am beyond pain
i hear nothing
i see nothing
the distance from here to the stars
never seemed so far away
the sun isn't shining as bright
the moon's glow is dull
the lamp post flicker violently
through the tear filled eyes
i walk around like an empty shell
a zombie
cold hearted
hot headed
on that seldom phone call
i felt the blood pumping through my veins
i felt my heart
slamming against my rib cage
screaming to jump out of me
crying of the knife that has been
shoved and twisted
like glass is shattered
spread into the chambers
with every beat
rips and tears
every vein is a shot of pain
and i ask a simple question...
why?
Today has felt like it's been the longest day in the world. Things just.. hit me. I felt like I got punched in the chest by a pro boxer. The lack of caring in people doesn't surprise me, at all. Things change, feelings change. Alright, I get that part. What I don't get is why people don't care about how others feel. They don't care about how something will change a person. Maybe make them bitter. Maybe make them resent something that they once believed in. Maybe it will be okay. Maybe the person will understand.
Fuck I try my HARDEST to be understanding. I try not to pass judgment. I try not to jump to conclusions. I give people chances. I give people the benefit of the doubt. I show them the I care. I go GREAT lengths for those who I care about. But it's like everything that I do. Every relationship I have. All one sided. But like always, I move on and I find reasons to forgive and forget. Because that's who I am. That's what I do. Happiness is all relative.
I hate my views of people. I think people are way to nice and kind. Fuck that. People are vicious. They do things to further themselves. The get what they want. Act the way they want. Flip off the world, and people like me are left in their dust. Confused, hurt, tears falling like waterfalls. And why?! Because people like me care to much. I put my heart on the line for nothing. I set myself up for disappointment. I fell into the fake world. I fell into a lie. I fell into the lies. I fell into those sweet words. The worst thing that I could have ever fell into was Love.
So you know what I say now? Fuck It.
Posts
"I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong."
ReplyDeleteI always ask people if they would rather be ordinary or extraordinary. I never had to ask you. It is clear from your actions and demeanor that you already are extraordinary. And ordinary people only bring you down. Not to be too english-teacher-y but as the quote says above, it is the weak who are cruel and the strong who are gentle. You are a kind and gentle person. You are also full of strength and power. All of those qualities combined make you the wonderful JLP. Keep your head up. People will always be cruel, hateful, and try to bring you down to a level you don't belong. Just believe in that extraordinary heart and willpower that you are lucky to enough to have.
I love you SOO much Huggins. That made me cry! You're the one the reminds me of how great I can be. Thank you for that. You're the most amazing person that I know, and you have really affected my life in these two years that I've known you. You're spectacular.
ReplyDelete