I feel like today was just an off day. There is so much that's just bouncing around in my mind. Blah, I don't know where to start.
For the past 3 days I have had really bad anxiety, for no apparent reason. I just have this lingering feeling in my chest, that simply won't go away. I don't know what to do to get rid of it at this point. Whatever I guess.
Yesterday I spoke to a really good friend of mine, whom I haven't spoken to in a while. It was really good to just sit here, and talk to him. I really do miss him, and the way that we use to be. No matter what, he's my homey :)
My parents decided to come up for Homecoming weekend. They brought me food, it was so good to have some REAL food. Today we went shopping a little and out to eat. Hannah came with us. It was a lot of fun. There was also 2 comedians that came and did a show, it was so funny. Now, I am just sitting here and watching some movies with Hannah.
I am kind of aggravated at a lot right now. I don't know. Blah. Whatever I guess.
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I feel like I am so far away from where I am suppose to be. I feel like certain things that I have done are stupid and pointless. I feel like I am falling, so far from earth, that I am floating through the clouds. I want to be higher than that. I want to be able to become numb. I want to have my vision blurred and my memories erased. I want everything to go away. I want my thoughts to stop bouncing around. I want my mind to stop wandering and worrying. I want to be able to stop, breathe, and enjoy things without the constant rant that my mind produces.
There is no way I could ever get full control of my mind; not when I have this to deal with.
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i can feel you on almost everything you wrote here but like YOU tell ME, keep your head up :) I'll write a poem dedicated to you to keep you motivated
ReplyDeleteAnxiety plagues me too. It's so sucky to feel the way you are with lingering "pangs" (no pun intended) that you can't pinpoint. That feeling that you can't breathe but you don't know why. The only way I can really deal with anxiety is by talking to the few people who care, writing, and exercising. I'm one of those people who care about you so call me or write to me any time you want to! Feel better. :)
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