Thoughtful Thinking

I feel like I am in a rut. I was so sure and head on about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, now I have no clue! I guess that it has to do with the fact that I don't think that I am good at anything. I don't think that I would be a good teacher, for some reason. I just see a lot of the teachers that I've had and how amazing they are! Take CHuggins for example. She is an amazing teacher/person. She really made an impact on my life, and on the lives of many, many other students/peers. I know this for a fact, because I know all of these people. But would I ever be able to live up to that? Would I ever be able to impact the lives of my students in ways she has? I don't think that I can.

WIth that, people always ask me "What is it that you like to do?" I love to write. Heck, I am sitting here, writing in this blog, after writing a 4 page essay! I love my creative expression. I also like to help people. Yes, so those two things are 2 thing that I love to do. But I really don't think that my writing could ever amount to something that could be published. I am way to self conscious and indecisive to even try and publish something. I also doubt that I would be very helpful with people.

I love astronomy, to death. I love looking at the stars and learning more about things beyond this planet; after all, there is a lot more to the universe than this little planet called earth. But I can't really see myself in some research lab or anything. I really am at a lost as to what I want to do for the rest of my life. There are so many things that I would love to do, but there are also many things that I am really not great at. I guess only time will tell in that aspect.

On a semi lighter note, I hurt my foot really bad recently. I think I know how I did it, but at the same time, I don't. It's gotten to the point where it really hurts when I walk. I am so tired of going to Weigel ! I agave been there about 3 times in the last 3 weeks! I need to stop with the physical and internal ailments!

I really am excited to see E$ in 2 weeks. I have something to really look forward to. After that, I have to wait until Thanksgiving break so I can see my family and friends. I am contemplating on heading over to RFK that Wednesday. I really should. I was looking through some old photos and I do miss the whole aspect of High School. I miss some of the people from there as well. I really think that I am going to go.

Today I have been thinking about jumping into the future. I just want to see how things are going to be for me. I want to know what cards are in my deck. It really sucks that I can't do that. I just get so overwhelmed with everything sometimes. I really don't know how to handle it. I find that if, and when, I write, it helps a lot. I also found that I tend to clean, a lot, when I am stressed.

This foot problem, along with the other million things on my mind is really bringing me down. I don't like it at all. Oh well, I guess that it's just another thing that I have to deal with in my life,