Frenzy

I don't really know what seems to be on my mind these days. I feel like there is a whole jumble of things that I am doing, half of the time I question my own actions. I just keep thinking that things are going to go down hill from this moment on. Things seem to be spinning out of control, in a frenzy of mayhem and I simply can't stop any of it.

I want things to go as I wish, for once: smoothly. I wish for things to become reality for me, instead of silly wishful thinking, but I know that, that is something almost impossible. The slight chance of those things occurring leaves me with some hope, and faith in myself, faith I otherwise don't have at all.

I hate the fact that I feel as if my shyness holds me back from a lot of things. I don't know how, or when I developed this amount of intense timidness, but the fact remains that it's there and that I hate it, almost as much as I hate this GAD situation. I just wish that it could all go away.

Touching on yesterdays topic, I hate when people make these false assumptions about me and my decisions. I make these choices on my own, with due research and questioning. I don't do things based upon what other people say, or do. When I make a commitment to something, I intend to carry it out to the depth of my strength and ability. I have, and always will be, the type of person who does EVERYTHING from the heart, with no questions asked and those things are done for my best interests. If I want to do something, don't question me as to why, you will get no where, so for those who keep badgering me about my choices and decisions, just stop.

I try to be supportive, about everything. Heck, I stayed in the rain, at the TOP of a mountain with my best friend yesterday, helping him get down the mountain, lol. Maybe I care too much about certain things or people, well, cared* would be the more proper use of tense. I just simply got tired of people walking on me, and taking advantage. I got tired of people always thinking about themselves. I guess it's a part of life, and growing up; although some people just haven't grown up just yet.

I wish that I could let go of certain things that have happened in the past. I wish that I could be able to let everything go, and just forget it all. It hurts me every single day. As much as I try to hide it all, I can't seem to let it all be tucked away in the darkness of my mind. I hate that. I wish I didn't think about the past so much, and I wish that I was able to just simply let everything go. I don't want to think about these things anymore.

My life just started, and I have big things coming my way. These things are exciting and riveting; I am ready to take all of it head on and give my best.

Back to Buffalo in 6 days.