Blow.

Okay, so I know that helping others is a good thing. It's suppose to make you feel better about yourself, and you know what, the bottom line is that it's great karma too! But right now, i=I simply feel used.

How is it that when shit goes down, you're alone, but when someone needs something, they come straight to you. I know that I am being a good person, but I have been this "good" person for my whole entire life, and this game is tiresome. It's like... I just really wonder when all of this good karma I throw out is going to get back to me, you know?

It's funny too, because I write these blog entries, and I have been doing this for some time but the fact is that I don't reach anyone. No one is reading this, and no one really cares. While I sit here and pour out my feelings, hoping that someone will read this and say to themselves "damn, I know what this girl is feeling" it's not going to happen. I guess I have become some what content with that idea because, after all, I am still here typing my little fingers away. Maybe I do have a little bit of hope left in me. (Too bad it won't happen)

I wonder how it feels to be desired as a person. I am not speaking about lustfully desired, but just desired as a friend, a genuine friend. I don't really know if i ever felt that in my lifetime, my very short 19 year life time. But I do know that it suck walking around and feeling like people are looking past you as if you aren't there. I feel like I am a walking hologram, something someone can put there hand through because in actuality, I am not even there...

Maybe I am not there... I don't know but what I do know is that living this way, and feeling this way really does blow...