My own worst enemy.

I don't know why I decided to do be a Communications major. I don't know why I decided that I wanted to be a journalist for the rest of my life! Half the time, I really never know why I wanted to write, for the rest of my life, when I honestly will never reach anyone. Seriously, I feel like my main purpose in my life is to reach someone like Huggins reached me, or how books and simple fictional characters reached me and touched my life, but how the hell am I suppose to do this when I can't do what I aspire to do?!

I sit here, and just stare at the black white screen, Microsoft office, and I get nothing. I try to find some sort of inspiration and I have nothing.

Maybe I am my own worst enemy, I don't doubt that at all, what-so-ever. But it's hard to think that the things I write are any good, when I read things that many of my peers have written and it's just like damn it, I'm not that good! After that, it just all goes down hill from there. I just don't think that my words are going to save someone... Matter of fact, I know it's not.

I have this weird complex, where I simply allow myself to become consumed within my own thoughts of negativity. I am a negative person, an extreme pessimist. But, my negativity and pessimistic views are solely directed towards me. I'm pretty sure that I am holding myself back. But from what?! If I seriously don't believe that I am going to be anything, then what am I holding myself back from?

The stress and complexities of my day just seem to become more and more abundant. Its just everywhere I look, everyone I speak to. Arguments erupt like an angry volcano. Then the smoldering lava takes over my mind and leaves me bare and confused.

I want someone who I can connect to, and who feels everything that I do right now. I just want to speak to that person. I am tired of people telling me "oh..I'm sorry".

At the end of the day, I just feel alone.