I feel like I am slowly losing my mind, like insanity is knocking right at my door. The more the anxiety begins to consume my life, the more I become reluctant to believe that I will one day be okay.
I don't know why this week was so horrible. I don't know why this week I got little to know sleep. I just want it to be over.
I'm so sick of sitting in my bed and fighting my monster, my own personal demon. I am so sick of wonder what it's like to live a life free of this devil I call anxiety.
I just want to be set free, and fly; I don't want to rely on anything and I just want to be able to go one day, just ONE day without dealing with the shaking and the sadness.
I just want to know what I ever did to deserve this life. I want to know what I did so I can fix it, so I can redeem myself. I just want to be normal.
I can't even think of a time when I didn't live like this. I can't think of a time where I wasn't shadowed by this leviathan.
I wish I didn't feel anything, just like become numb to everything in this entire universe. Nothing is helping me anymore.
I need medication.
I need someone that understands.
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Don't feel alone in this. I am in the same state as you are with anxiety. It gets better than it gets worse and visa versa. Anxiety will always feed negative things in our mind and TRUST me, we don't deserve it at all. But we MUST try and align the positive things in our life because medication will only use us not fix us. And its hard because talking about it for that brief moment makes us feel better because we can release, share our feelings with others.etc. But deep down, its way more than that. And I myself have had this shit since I was 13, I did nothing to deserve this, neither did you. I guess it only means we must try harder to be more positive for the years to come. :)
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