Wish

Okay the last week past by fairly quickly, fast than I had anticipated, but it's all good.

E$ came this weekend. It was another amazing weekend, even though I feel like it went to fast.
I probably won't see him till Thanksgiving.

I really can't wait till Turkey Day comes though, I actually really want to go home (not bad enough that I will leave today, but enough. Lol) I really want to see Phil and Sofia and what not, that's what I am really looking forward to the most.

So last night, I had an in depth conversation with one of my good friends up here about city life. He is convinced that raising a family in new york city may only be detrimental and negative. I know that the city is really dangerous and what not, and I know that bad things can happen, but in the city, you learn things that you can't learn other places. I mean, simple things like getting lost on the train or bus can teach you and show you a whole new world a things. I go out with some of my friends up here that aren't from the city and they are a lot less street smart than I am. It's in really simple things where I found this out. I mean, in the city you get to see the good and that bad in the world, and it's really important that it's shown, and learned. I am more appreciative of what I have back home in the city now that I see things up here. My heart will always be in the city; my city.

It's been a pretty rough night so far, and a rough day in general for me. The normal things happened. Class, dorm, ect. but a conversation with my brother got me really aggravated. I'm not going to get into it to much, I just don't feel like talking about it here. Just makes me think about me and my path and what not.

I have an app. with my academic advisor on friday. I can finally declare my major, so I am hyped.

I wonder if people will get tired of me. I was thinking about this today, for some reason. I think that it has to do with the dreams that I have been having, but I just wonder. After a while, will someone just get sick of me? Not want to see me? Speak to me? I know that I am not perfect. I just wonder. I am sure that it happens, and if not, it will happen. That's life I guess.

I feel like venting what I am thinking right now. I know that I am not the prettiest, I don't have the best hair, or the straightest teeth. I am corky and gawky. I can be a misfit a lot of the time. I am loud and can be obnoxious. I try to hard for the people that I care about, and I get attached to them. I don't dress the nicest and I don't have the nicest body. There are so many flaws to me. Blemishes both physical and personal. I wish every single night at 11:11 just because. I spend my night thinking about things that are way beyond my control. I get terrible anxiety. I wish that I was the best of the best. I wish I could be able to compete, but I don't think that I can.