Distance and Time

Being far away hurts. I don't like sleeping alone anymore. I just simply don't like the old, empty feeling. It feels like a hunger, but nothing I eat can fill the void. Sigh..I need to stop being so down.

Its snowing a lot outside. I can barely see what's in front of me, and it's brick as hell.

I really don't know what I want to write about, but I just feel like writing. I had this little epiphany last night, but it wasn't a very good one. I just realized how I really am at the moment and it sucks so badly. I am so jealous of certain people and it's annoying me. It's not that "hater" jealousy, nor is it that I don't want them to have what I am jealous of, but its just jealousy. I'm happy for whom ever is happy. As for me, with certain things, I lack in the happiness area.

I'm not really complaining about it... Okay, so I am, but I just get so angry with it. I want things to be different, but I know that they can't be, not for a really long time. I guess that I am okay with that. I guess that I am going to have to deal with it for the time being (which will probably be for the next couple years).

Yesterday was a really good day I must say. I hung out with pretty much everyone. Traveled over to UB as well. It was a lot of fun. Once I got back though, things got a little rough. I went to the Library with Liz for like 4 hours. Damn finals -_- Once I got back from the library around 12:30, I skyped with E$ for a while. We usually do this every night and just fall asleep with the video on. During the night, the video usually just disconnects itself, but this morning I woke up to him there. It was, by far, one of the best morning I've had in a really long time. Despite the way that I am feeling at the current moment, I loved the fact that I woke up to him, but I also hated it at the same time. It's like a tease. "You can look, but can't touch" That just made me really upset after.

School is going smoothly. I am finally done with my first semester of classes, which I am very happy about. I have a couple test coming up, but I am really not stressing to hard about it to be honest. I just want to go home and relax.

Family is going okay too. I really can't complain because I'm not home, and that's something that won't really change.

Friends, I realize come and go, but that's life. Those who are meant to be in your life, will be. Point Blank. I've meant some really, really good people along the way though. Some back home, some here, and some spread around.

Love is something thing that is amazing, and I think that what I have is beautiful, as Liz calls it. But it is in no way shape or form easy, at all. It's painful. The fact is that we go through pain for the people that we love the most, and in the end it's all going to be okay. I know that I will endure all the pain and suffering in the world for someone I love.

I hate that nothing in my life has come easy. I feel like I have to put up a fight and a half to get what ever it is that I want, and then once I "have it" I still have to fight, all the time to keep it. It's a never ending cycle. But I'll be waiting.

"You are always on my mind; All I do is count the days."