All or Nothing At All

I feel like this week is going to be another really long week. I hate that. Emanuel came up to buffalo this weekend; he came thursday night, and went back to 'cuse this morning. It was a pretty decent weekend with him. A lot of ups and downs, but good none the less.

Today, was completely and totally uneventful. Besides waking up at 5:30 in the morning to take Emanuel to the train, I just came back and slept, went to class, slept again, ate, then slept one more time. I am still tired! It ridiculous. I am going to hit the gym in an hour, that should wake me up a little bit.

Sometimes I realize that I get really distant with certain things in my life. It because I don't want to sit here and think about the things that have been done, or the things that I have done. I realized this weekend, that when I do think about these things, I shut myself off. I lay there, alone, because I feel like I am alone.

I feel like I have mad a lot of progress with this weekend, but at the same times, I feel like I shouldn't be in this deep. All of these feelings and thoughts are popping into my head today, and it's like warning sign maybe? Maybe it's just me being the paranoid freak that I am. Maybe I should take a step back and allow things to soak in. I don't want to do things if they aren't shown to me... I don't know if that makes much sense, but it makes sense to me. It's like, I want to take steps after you've taken leaps...I sound so freaking selfish right now, and that really does kill me, but what can I do?

I want to give it my all, but what if my all isn't good enough, again?