Lions, Tigers, and Bears

"The best part of me I gave you and it was sacrificed..."

Lost? Maybe. I know what it is that I want, but my unwillingness to let go of things that have happened in the past is not allowing me to be free. I can't be free from my own thoughts, which is the worst feeling in the world. I am happy, when I look at the larger picture, yet I can't help but feel broken and damaged inside. I can't help but feel lonely and cold. I could be in the largest group of people, and still feel like I am the only one there. These smiling faces pass me by all the time, and I can't smile back. I just have this one residing thought in my mind, and it kills me. I know that there isn't much that I can do about it. I have to keep my head up and hope for the best in things.

School has been repetitive lately. Exam after exam, it's really non stop. That's college life though, nothing can be done to chnage that. I really can't wait for next term though. I hope that things will be a lot easier, in every aspect of my life.

My obsession with change hasn't really gone away. I just sit here, and I think about things and how they use to be. I always remind myself that things have to change at one point or another. Things cannot, and will not stay the same forever; that goes for good things and bad things. The rain never stays, the sun does shine, eventually. It's up to you (and your loved one..?) to gather up strength to get through the storm. It take strength and courage to believe things are going to be alright. One day, you'll wake up and see the sun, shining brightly upon the ground that was once wet, and cold. You'll be able to feel the warm rays touch your face and warm your heart. Thats the silver lining that everyone talks about.

I wonder when my silver lining will come.. ? Will it ever come? I feel as if I have been destined to live my life in the cold, dark realms of let downs, and sadness; both things reside in my mind, in the thoughts that I have created.

I can't help but to blame myself for these happenings. I can't help but to think that its all my fault, but why? Some things will never be known.

I know that I will be happy again. There are days now where I am simply elated. Those are the days where the memories of pain don't surface.

"I'm not scared of lions, tigers, and bears, but I'm scared of loving you.."