Fighting

I wish that I can change how i feel about certain things, and I really wish that I didn't think the way that I do. It sucks, so badly. I know that this is something that I have to live with, but at the same time, I wish it was different.

These past 2 weeks have been the hardest and more stressful 2 weeks I've experienced. My heart yearns for something that isn't fully mine, and I wish that I could change that.

I really have this obsession with change, and it's getting so ridiculous. I am getting angry with myself. I've been angry with myself for so long. Imperfects are really driving me crazy, and I wish that I could be that picture perfect image. I wish that when I looked in the mirror, things were flawless, that way, maybe some things wouldn't have happened. But there is no going back in time. There is no changing things that happened in the past.

I just feel like... everything that I have done, or tried to do has just gone to waste. Everything that I have tried to prove, all the love that I have shown, was just a waste. I try to make everything so easy and perfect. I try to do everything in my power to smooth the road, and hard work never comes to an end. i still have to fight for everything. I have to fight till the very end.

I am just so blank.

I hate arguing. I hate fighting. It's so painful. The thoughts that I have are so painful. I can't sleep anymore. I dream about it. When I am awake, I think about it. It's never ending. This is why I have to fight and try 30x harder than before, just so I can keep up with everything.. everyone else.

I wish I could pour out everything, but I can't.